ARMORED
Directed by Nimrod Antal
Certificate 15
*

The heist film is such a well-trodden path that screen writers continually have to think up an originally devious way for the robbers to snatch the loot and get clean away. 

In Armored, our heroes are poorly paid blue-collar workers and their target is a bank (so far, what’s not to like about this?). Throw in a cast that boasts Matt Dillon, Laurence Fishburne and Jean Reno to go with the fact they are playing security guards with a plan up their sleeves to walk off with $42million, and you start by rooting for them. 

Sadly, this premise of the downtrodden workers being squashed by the horrible nine-to-five capitalist system and therefore walking off with a big bag of bankers’ loot, falls to pieces almost immediately in a mire of bad writing, cliched lines, and unbelievable plot twists.

Ty (Columbus Short) is an Iraqi veteran now working as a security guard. We learn he has money trouble, with a younger tearaway brother who is skipping school. But when the chance comes along for him to take a share of a bumper windfall, he umms and ahhs but is bullied into joining the scam, which provides the plot with a little impetus. You are meant to want the robbers to get away with it, for their ingenuity to be rewarded. But this gang are utterly stupid, and have nothing to attract you to them. They have no clever plan except to pretend they were mugged of the cash they plan to steal themselves. 

Ringleader Matt Dillon’s character brings Ty onboard a week before this supposedly well-planned job. If all robbers were this thick, the Flying Squad would be laughing.

Director Antal has clearly been influenced by Reservoir Dogs, from the industrial wasteland they are holed up in to the idea of having a cop bleeding to death in the background. 

But the similarities end there there. This is a hugely stupid film.
DAN CARRIER